The Calamari Sisters in Beat Until Stiff
Jun 28, 2019
Doors: 7:00 pm / Show: 8:00 pmThe Milton Theatre
This event is all ages
Join us for a Pampered Chef Party of epically strange proportions. After achieving Brooklyn stardom, larger-than-life celebrity sisters Delphine and Carmela Calamari are at it again in their latest installment of culinary mayhem: and this time, you’re invited to their very own wacky and wonderful Plus Sized Pampered Chef Party! Featuring such hummable favorites as “Love and Marriage,” “I’m A Woman,” “Me and My Shadow,” and many more, this special brand of all-singing, all-dancing, all-cooking entertainment will have you laughing till it hurts! Whether you’re an avid cook or can barely boil water, The Calamari Sisters will make the kitchen the funniest, most entertaining room in your house!!!https://www.miltontheatre.com/event/1752799/
CARMELA CALAMARI was born in Bay Ridge, NY, the lightest daughter of Rocco and Vittoria Calamari, weighing 15 pounds at birth. Carmela began turning heads with her cooking from a very young age, combining a lemonade stand with a kissing booth at the age of eight. After being promptly shut down by her uncle, and several of her customers mysteriously disappearing, she turned her attention to more conventional outlets and began competing in the Bay Ridge pageant circuit. While qualified, Carmela was crowned Miss Salami of Bay Ridge, first runner-up Miss Wooden Spoon of Bay Ridge, and Miss Congeniality for Miss Stuck Pig of Bay Ridge; always wowing the crowd with some extraordinary new and unusual talent. It was while competing for the famous Miss Macaroni of Greater Brooklyn when Carmela was allegedly caught feeding one of the judges minestrone soup out of her Gucci knock-off pump. Although never conclusively proven, she was disqualified from any and all future Italian pageants in all five boroughs. Never one to accept defeat, Carmela dove into helping her sister, Delphine, and their grandmother cater events at the Rigatoni Lodge, becoming the fastest cake frost-er in all of Brooklyn. In addition, she became the darling of the St. Lady of the Divine Pain High School’s Drama Club, playing such roles as Effie in “Dreamgirls,” Eliza DooLittle in “My Fairy Lady,” and Mary in “The Secret Garden.” After graduation, Carmela attended DeVry University for a year and a half before pursuing her dream of a life in the show biz. She came close to her big break when she was cast as Kathy Bates butt double, but the MPAA deemed the scene “of questionable taste,” and Carmela’s film debut was never seen. However, when her sister, Delphine, suggested they start a singing-dancing-cooking business together, Carmela knew it was the perfect marriage of her two favorite things: cooking and performing, and so Calamari Sisters’ Catering Company was born. Achieving neighborhood attention for their unusual catering style incorporating song-and-dance routines, she always knew that she needed a medium that would allow more people to experience her unique caliber of entertainment. Public access cable was the answer!! She became the star of MANGIA ITALIANO! Carmela wishes to thank her Uncle JoJo for never making good on his bets, and her devoted fans for their countless letters, pictures (both G-rated and otherwise), and articles of clothing (both laundered and otherwise) the past four years. Carmela wishes to leave you with a quote: “Dreams are like butterflies. Don’t let them go ‘cause they won’t come back. So hold onto them tight even if kills the butterfly.”
LIVELY ARTS PRODUCTIONS (Producer) is a New York based production company focused on theatrical development, investment, and producing, as well as event and design services. Theatrical credits: Cocktails With Coward (Northern Stage, Don’t Tell Mama), The Lightning Field (Fringe 2005 – Winner of Best Play and GLAAD Media Award), Ethan Frome: The Musical (York Theatre Developmental Workshop), White Noise (NYMF 2007), The Greatest Holiday Musical…Ever!(Don’t Tell Mama), Irving Berlin’s I Love A Piano (First National), Booking Consultant on several national tours includingThe Wedding Singer (Second National) through Off Broadway Booking. Currently in development for the national tours of Swing For Victory and South Pathetic, a one man comedy starring Jim David. Event credits: Deborah Cox In Concert, Dixie’s Tupperware Party, Naked Boys Singing Memorial Day Festival (all Fire Island Pines). Design credits: Stormy Weather (Interart), The Tempest (Looking Glass, Spotlight On Award Winner), The Crown Point Festival, ShakespeareNYC Resident Lighting Design (TheatreRow), Lighting Coordinator Pace University’s Michael Schimmel Center for the Arts 2005-2007. Clients included: Inside the Actor’s Studio, NY1 News, People’s Beijing Theater, and Kanye West.